A Fanfic Writer's Dilemma
by Devon Aster
Summary: Self insert. What happens when a fanfic writer suffers from the dreaded writer's block and the characters try to...uh...help?


> A Fanfic Writer's Dilemma
> 
> **Written by**: Devon Aster  
**Type**: EFC/Humor  
**Rating**: PG - mild language  
**Sequel**: "A Merry Chase"
> 
> Devon Aster sat before a blank computer screen. Her fingers rested motionless on the keyboard. The cursor on the monitor blinked on and off, on and off, on, off, on, off... 
> 
> "Aarrgghh..." Devon jumped up from her chair and began pacing her ready room. "Think, think, think. I have to come up with another story!" she thought to herself. 
> 
> She scrubbed her face with her hands and walked over to the replicator. 
> 
> "Chocolate! Now!!" she practically shouted. "Oh that's good," she chided herself, "Yell at the ship." 
> 
> Inside the replicator, a plate of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups materialized, perfectly chilled. Devon removed the plate and went to the sofa. She flopped down and sighed. 
> 
> "How I'm a going to develop as a writer if I can't even come up with a storyline?" she wondered. She had bitten into the first peanut butter cup when the door chime sounded. 
> 
> "Oh, what now?" she asked, irritated. "Come in!"
> 
> The door opened to reveal Da'an waiting outside.
> 
> "Da'an!?" Devon leapt up from the sofa, abandoning her half-eaten peanut butter cup. She greeted the Taelon with his people's welcoming gesture. "Welcome! What brings you aboard?" 
> 
> Da'an returned the gesture and stepped into the room. 
> 
> "I understand you have resumed posting stories to the Philosophy Sphere," he said. 
> 
> "Well, yes I have," Devon said, wondering how he managed time to keep up with the happenings on the Sphere. 
> 
> "I have read the two newest ones. I am pleased you chose me as the focus of those stories," Da'an commented. 
> 
> "I'm glad you liked them," Devon said uncertainly. "I wasn't sure about the one with Ru'non." 
> 
> Da'an nodded with understanding. "I have also kept the first story you wrote." 
> 
> "Um...thanks," replied Devon. "Is there something you wanted to speak with me about?" 
> 
> Da'an moved toward the desk and studied the blank computer screen. "Were you about to begin another story?" he asked. 
> 
> "Yes, well I was trying," Devon said wearily. "Only I can't seem to come up with a good plot." 
> 
> Da'an studied the screen a moment longer, then turned to face to face Devon. "Perhaps I could be of assistance?" 
> 
> "Oh? How?" Devon blinked in confusion. 
> 
> "I can provide you with many details that would prove useful in future stories," replied Da'an. 
> 
> "Details? What kind of details?" Devon's interest peaked at the thought of having first-hand information. 
> 
> "I could relate to you the stories of my youth," Da'an stated with a graceful sweep of the hand. "Or provide you with the latest in Embassy business." 
> 
> "Those kind of details will never interest any reader," another voice broke in. 
> 
> Both Da'an and Devon swung around to face the intruder.
> 
> "Zo'or," they said in unison.
> 
> Zo'or gave an arrogant nod of the head. "I, on the other hand, can provide much more interesting information." 
> 
> Da'an gave Zo'or a withering look. Zo'or sent a nasty look right back. 
> 
> "Um...well..." Devon looked from one Taelon to the other, hoping they didn't live out the 'Da'an vs. Zo'or' deathmatch story right in her ready room. "That's very kind of you, Zo'or." 
> 
> "Of course it is generous of me," he stated. "But do not forget, you have already promised a story with myself as the main character." 
> 
> Da'an turned to Devon and gave her a questioning stare. Devon looked from Zo'or to Da'an then back again. She thought quickly. 
> 
> "Of course, it is only fair to give each character a turn," she said. 
> 
> "And it was fair to have me defeated by TRIBBLES?!?!" 
> 
> The trio of Devon, Da'an and Zo'or turned toward the doorway. 
> 
> Devon groaned. 
> 
> "Agent Sandoval? What are you doing here?" Zo'or asked impatiently. 
> 
> The implant straightened his tie as he stepped into the ready room. 
> 
> "I am here to discuss that story Devon Aster wrote earlier this year," Sandoval said. It was apparent he had not been pleased with its outcome. 
> 
> "I'm sorry, Agent Sandoval," Devon said, holding her hands out in a helpless gesture. "It _was _meant to be a fun story." 
> 
> The implant stared at Devon hard. "I hope you are not going to leave it at that," he intoned. 
> 
> Devon decided she didn't like the veiled threat in his eyes or voice. 
> 
> "Now see here..." she began. 
> 
> "What's going on in here??" 
> 
> Four heads swung around. "What now?" thought Devon. 
> 
> Liam Kincaid swaggered angrily into the room. He looked at each face in turn. "Why wasn't I told about this? Why am I always left out of the loop? I'm the main character of the show damn it!!" 
> 
> Da'an looked at Liam with hooded eyes. Zo'or straightened to his full height and looked down on him. Agent Sandoval sent him a quelling glare. 
> 
> "And I want to know why BOONE got a story? Where is that crossover story featuring me? Why..." 
> 
> "Oh shut up!" A voice shouted. "At least you _got_ a story." 
> 
> Devon turned and watched in horror as Lili Marquette strode into the room. 
> 
> "Now that I'm off the show, I probably won't even be written in as a minor character!" Lili spat. 
> 
> "That's not true," Devon said nervously. "I wrote a scene for you in one of my stories." 
> 
> "Well, where is it?" Lili demanded. 
> 
> "Uh, it's not finished yet." 
> 
> Lili snorted in disgust. 
> 
> "Now wait a minute," Liam said. "The next story done should be mine. You already posted part of it!" 
> 
> Devon waved her hands helplessly, trying to think of some way to defuse the current situation. "Now people..." 
> 
> "So this is where the party is!" Augur practically danced into the room. "You know, you need to upgrade your security system. I could help you, of course." He waggled his eyebrows. 
> 
> "Don't you even start Augur..." Lili warned. 
> 
> "Oh man..." Devon groaned again. 
> 
> "I don't suppose anybody remembers me?" a gravely voice called out. 
> 
> Jonathon Doors stepped into the room. He took in the occupants in one dismissive glance. 
> 
> "Now that I've lost the Presidential race and not the Resistance leader. I'm just a crusty old man, right?" he said. 
> 
> Devon shook her head, certain this had to be some kind of nightmare. 
> 
> Two more figures entered the room, Dr. Parks and Dr. Belman. 
> 
> "Hey, don't forget us - even if the makers of the show have," said Dr. Belman. 
> 
> "You damn well better have a story for me in the works," said Renee Palmer as she entered the room behind the two doctors. "I may be new, but I have a place!" 
> 
> "What do you mean?" Liam practically shouted. "Do you know how _long_ it took before she even considered a story with me in it? Wait your turn!" 
> 
> "Don't speak to me like that you..." 
> 
> "People please!" Devon begged. 
> 
> "I hope you're going to write my story before people begin to forget about me," another voice said. Devon nearly fainted as Boone walked in. 
> 
> "Oh great, here he comes..." Liam griped. "Everyone _knows_ she's a Boone fan..." 
> 
> "Devon is foremost a fan of myself," Da'an stated. "I am sorry, Boone. But I am certain she will choose to write the next story focusing on me." 
> 
> "And you accuse _me_ of being arrogant," said Zo'or. "_I_ am a far better choice." 
> 
> "That's what you think," grumbled Sandoval. 
> 
> Zo'or shot Sandoval a murderous look. 
> 
> "Well, I definitely deserve at least a few scenes," said Dr. Park. 
> 
> "You're still on the show. Why are you complaining?" countered Dr. Belman. 
> 
> "Well, I'm not leaving until I get a definite answer on when my scenes will be done," said Lili. 
> 
> "Devon, maybe you could write a few scenes with Lili and me?" Augur said, offering Lili a peanut butter cup from Devon's discarded plate. 
> 
> Lili dumped the plate on Augur's head. "Do it and die!" she stated. 
> 
> "I'm not leaving either," said Jonathon. "I started the Resistance after all." 
> 
> "I've got the time to spare," Boone said. "I just think S1 fans would enjoy a story with me in it. And it will help those who missed the first season." 
> 
> "I'm not budging," Renee said, folding her arms. 
> 
> "That goes double for me," agreed Liam. 
> 
> "Same here." 
> 
> "Agreed." 
> 
> "Ditto." 
> 
> "Just remember I'm the main focus of the show," said Liam. 
> 
> "Oh come off it..." said Lili. 
> 
> The room burst into noisy pandemonium as the occupants of the ready room began to argue in earnest. 
> 
> Augur picked off the melting chunks of peanut butter cups while eyeing the computer monitor and wondering if he could hack into the holodeck database. Liam and Lili argued loudly over whose story should be finished first. Jonathon, Parks and Belman were all affronted dignity. Boone and Sandoval argued over whose implant story made better reading. Da'an and Zo'or had abandoned English completely, whispersinging furiously in Eunoia. 
> 
> Devon wandered over to the chair behind her desk and sat down hard. She watched as the group kept arguing over whose story had priority and who made the better main character. 
> 
> She couldn't think. She just couldn't think. 
> 
> "How the heck am I going to get out of this one?" she asked herself. "Help me. Somebody, anybody...HELP ME!!!!" 
> 
> THE END(?)


End file.
